Heartbreak

If you thought this was going to be about a significant other... You don't know me very well XD

Enough joking. Today I wanted to write about heartbreak. Not the kind you get for unrequited love, but the kind I'm feeling right now. I'm heartbroken about art. It's a feeling I've felt for many years, sometimes more hurtful than others, but lately, maybe because of the huge tiredness, I'm feeling even physically.

But, Naira, come on, chest pain? That's anxiety. If you think that you're right. I suffer from anxiety, too. But the thing is, it doesn't only appear when I think about achademical topics. My chest hurts, I feel pressure and I go out of breath when I think about the inability to draw. Hypothetical or real. For several reasons, I haven't drawn in a while. And, even if it's going to sound weird coming from a scientist like me, I feel the urge to do that embed deep in my soul. And I can't ignore it so easily now that it hurts me physically.

I usually refer to drawings from my friends as "drugs". I ask them for "drugs" regularly. Because I also am an artist,  and I know how it feels to create art and how it feels when someone shows interest in yours. I genuinely enjoy admiring art, but I can't help but feeling down. I feel insecure lately about my abilities in many fields, and art is no exception. I feel somewhat inferior to those who do pursue art, not necessarily as a career, but a hobby too. Lately I'm so tired I do little things in my scarce leissure time, let alone something that requires some sort of willpower as it's overcoming an artblock, which I believe I'm suffering from.

It's not the first time I've felt this way. And I want to believe that this feeling will fade away, once I feel less tired and more confident. But I wanted to leave it written somewhere, as a reminder for the future. 

This, too, shall pass. Esto también pasará.